A lot of books and sex columnists (and books by sex columnists) claim to hold the secret to passionate sex in a long-term relationship. A lot of these claims are false. Esther Perel, on the other hand, really seems like she’s onto something. If you watch the TED talk she gave on Feb. 14th of this year, you’ll begin to understand what I mean.
Those who’d like a teaser should please allow me to tickle your fancies with this executive summary. Dr. Perel is a therapist who has done research in many countries. She’s held hundreds of interviews with people in myriad cultures and has asked all of them the same, simple questions: When do you feel most drawn to your partner? In what moments does your partner seem most attractive? The answers point to a conflict between two fundamental human needs — security and novelty or surprise. One seems to extinguish passion. The other fires it up.
She encourages us to develop our own “erotic intelligence”. She tells us, in a funny, compassionate way, how people can use it to use it to navigate the often tricky path of maintaining desire for someone you have loved for a long time.
But enough from me. Please watch the talk.
Featured image from estherperel.com