Fictional Tops for Me

I don’t crush on actors — just their characters. You can formulate as many hypotheses as you like as to why this is so. Maybe I can’t stand anything that smacks too much of normality, or I have trouble imagining a fantasy in which the actor and I get it on and yet are not simultaneously cheating on our spouses. Reality has odd ways of intruding into my mind.

Another reason might be that the stories in which the characters reside are infinitely more interesting than everyday scenarios about a Hollywood encounter or the scenario where a celebrity in a limo rescues me from certain dehydration when my car breaks on the way to Vegas. I have  difficulty suspending disbelief. Why wouldn’t the person who finds me on the side of the road be a trucker, or (God forbid) a car full of hipsters complaining about their one friend’s desire to go to Vegas for her birthday — Vegas is so over, doesn’t she know that?  It’s also easier to insert myself into the universe that another mind has already created. There so many sexy and fun aspects of Middle Earth or the United Federation of Planets that are already available, ready to explore.

One thing about this these fictional crushes is that they are very intense. It seems like my body craves regular doses of the chems that flow at the start of a romance. They’re also very real. I’ll go half a year or more obsessing about X — collecting images, making iTunes playlists, and seeking out crazy groups of fantards with whom to engage in the all-comsuming twin passions of squeeing and fanficcery.

I’ll also invariably fantasize about tops. Perhaps I’m more of a sub than a switch at heart, or maybe topping, while loads of fun, doesn’t boost me into stratosphere in quite the same way.

In any case, I’ve spent the last few decades in virtual thrall to a slew of characters such as (in roughly chronological order)

  1. Darth Vader
  2. Trent Reznor (the one exception — although his stage persona is so theatrical, he might as well be fictional)
  3. Fox Mulder
  4. Jayne Cobb
  5. Severus Snape
  6. Mr. Spock (or any of mirror-Kirk, mirror-Spock, or mirror-McCoy)
  7. Gordon Freeman (!)
  8. Walter White (as well as other Breaking Bad heavies such as Gus and Mike)

Does anybody else fawn over fictional men in this way, or am I alone in my weirdness?

Featured Image: Breaking Bad Promo for AMC TV

16 responses to “Fictional Tops for Me

  1. Ooh, fictional crushes are the best. Some of mine over the decades: Raistlin (Dragonlance novels), Krycek (X-Files), Malcolm Reynolds (Firefly), Bryce Larkin (Chuck), Tony Stark (Iron Man), Clint Barton (Avengers). I don’t tend to go for tops. My guys all seem to be tortured, morally ambivalent BAMFs who are nevertheless capable of romantic tenderness. Thank god this fictional preference has never translated into real life romantic partnering!

  2. Thank you for reminding me about Krycek an even better fictional top than Mulder because it was a heck of a lot easier to ascribe evil motives to him. So yes, Krycek first, I’ll have to amend my list. Tony Stark is also great because he’s such a megalomaniac. You know he’d get any topping done fast, well, and in an amazingly technological manner, with full-spectrum biometrics.

  3. Nope. It would be easy to write Tony finding out that Pepper craves submission and volunteering as her service top — lots of potential for lulz here too. The same multi-billionaire could also use kink in the name of justice. Maybe his nemesis likes getting tied up, or finds that out in the middle of a power-suit fight. However, evil tops abuse their power and this is a big kink of mine.

  4. I thought of a couple more: David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor; Richard Armitage as Guy of Gisborne. Both made me shiver.

      • Depends on the character. There was intimidation but no physical restraint with Raistlin, Krycek and Stark; rape fantasy with Barton and Guy of Gisborne. Larkin was part of a damsel in distress fantasy. Mal and the Doctor were very sweet Magical Hooha stories. None of these were written down — too embarrassing 🙂

    • I think AO3 allows you to post stories anonymously once you have an account. If I could actually do a good job writing any of them, I don’t think I’d mind posting under my own name. But it’d almost all be Mary Sue porn, which is fricking hard to write well, so my chances are slim.

    • I actually see a distinction. If you insert yourself, warts and all, into a story then it’s one thing. But if you make up a character who’s idealized, who doesn’t have any bad qualities, who has an array of good qualities to wide to be believed, then it’s a Mary Sue.

  5. Definitely Mary Sue — in my fantasies I never have warts 🙂

    More seriously, my viewpoint character is almost always more attractive than I am, doesn’t need glasses, and has *something* that the male lead finds irresistible. Gotta be done, though — if my unadorned self were enough, then I’d be having fantastic sex with superheroes in real life, right? 🙂

    • Well, call it what you like. I mantain that there are levels of Mary Sue-ness and your versions have never struck me as particularly bad.

      One thing you might wish to consider is writing in the first person. It really works for me.

  6. I do try to make my Mary Sues at least plausible in the fictional universe they’re in (AB Logistics made a magic detector, which is probably beyond our actual ability…but then again, the client was literally a god :).

    There is absolutely no way I could ever write first person porn — I wouldn’t be able to type for the blushing and closing my eyes in embarrassment 🙂

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