I don’t crush on actors — just their characters. You can formulate as many hypotheses as you like as to why this is so. Maybe I can’t stand anything that smacks too much of normality, or I have trouble imagining a fantasy in which the actor and I get it on and yet are not simultaneously cheating on our spouses. Reality has odd ways of intruding into my mind.
Another reason might be that the stories in which the characters reside are infinitely more interesting than everyday scenarios about a Hollywood encounter or the scenario where a celebrity in a limo rescues me from certain dehydration when my car breaks on the way to Vegas. I have difficulty suspending disbelief. Why wouldn’t the person who finds me on the side of the road be a trucker, or (God forbid) a car full of hipsters complaining about their one friend’s desire to go to Vegas for her birthday — Vegas is so over, doesn’t she know that? It’s also easier to insert myself into the universe that another mind has already created. There so many sexy and fun aspects of Middle Earth or the United Federation of Planets that are already available, ready to explore.
One thing about this these fictional crushes is that they are very intense. It seems like my body craves regular doses of the chems that flow at the start of a romance. They’re also very real. I’ll go half a year or more obsessing about X — collecting images, making iTunes playlists, and seeking out crazy groups of fantards with whom to engage in the all-comsuming twin passions of squeeing and fanficcery.
I’ll also invariably fantasize about tops. Perhaps I’m more of a sub than a switch at heart, or maybe topping, while loads of fun, doesn’t boost me into stratosphere in quite the same way.
In any case, I’ve spent the last few decades in virtual thrall to a slew of characters such as (in roughly chronological order)
- Darth Vader
- Trent Reznor (the one exception — although his stage persona is so theatrical, he might as well be fictional)
- Fox Mulder
- Jayne Cobb
- Severus Snape
- Mr. Spock (or any of mirror-Kirk, mirror-Spock, or mirror-McCoy)
- Gordon Freeman (!)
- Walter White (as well as other Breaking Bad heavies such as Gus and Mike)
Does anybody else fawn over fictional men in this way, or am I alone in my weirdness?
Featured Image: Breaking Bad Promo for AMC TV